November 15, 2009
November 13, 2009
November 11, 2009
2. I know that "personality can open doors, but only character can keep them open." And I know that for sure because I read it on the sign at the dry cleaner's.
3. I forgot what number 3 is.
4. Sometimes I forget things.
5. I'm sure I'm good at making lists.
By the way, I should point out that there are things I know for sure and things I don't know for sure. Also, there are things I wish I never knew. Like did you ever see that Primetime report about hotel rooms and what's on the bedspreads? Exactly.
Actually, there's nothing I know for sure because I know for sure that things change.
For a long time I thought I knew for sure who I was. I grew up in New Orleans and became a comedian. And there was everything that came along with that. The nightclubs. The smoking. The drinking. Then I turned 13.
While I was doing stand-up, I thought I knew for sure that success meant getting everyone to like me. So I became whoever I thought people wanted me to be. I'd say yes when I wanted to say no, and I even wore a few dresses.* And it worked. I got my own sitcom.**
The show was very successful. I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn't like me for being…me.
I had a really tough time for a few years. My show was gone. My phone wasn't ringing. There wasn't one job offer. And at that point, I thought I knew for sure that I wouldn't work in Hollywood again.
Eventually, I decided to go back to how I started my career, and I wrote an HBO special. Then I got my talk show. And look at me now…I'm on the cover of O. And that's the highest honor we give in this country.
I know for sure I would never change any of the hard times I went through in my life. Because it was in those times that I grew the most and gained the most perspective.
It's our challenges and obstacles that give us layers of depth and make us interesting. Are they fun when they happen? No. But they are what make us unique. And that's what I know for sure…I think.
November 09, 2009
"THE AIR IS ALIVE WITH POSSIBILITY"
i also need to start going to be at a decent time...
ah, the list of things to do is getting longer and longer...
November 08, 2009
They say love is blind, and while we may find that old axiom falls just short of true in real life, it certainly rules in the land of television and film. The “couple that shouldn’t work but does” is a romantic comedy staple – she works in an independent bookstore, but he’s the son of a chain that threatens her livelihood! Or, she’s a pediatric nurse, but he develops high-grade child-vaporizing technologies for the military! Somehow, those crazy kids just go together so well. But what about when the movies convince us to root for a couple whose union we’d see in reality as immoral, irresponsible, or even illegal? These are the ten couples that we love on screen, but would greet with a general chorus of “Ewwwww” if they moved in next door.
10. Beauty and the Beast, Beauty and the Beast But wait, you say, this is a magical and beautiful parable about looking past a person’s outward appearance. He was so mean, and she was so scared, but eventually they learned to love each other through the charming machinations of possessed dinnerware! Tale as old as time! Okay, sure – that’s all true. But can we get a mock-up at what that famous dance would actually look like in real life?
Don’t worry, once they make out that dog will totally become a hot dude.
9. Buffy and Angel, Buffy the Vampire Slayer This relationship has issues on both sides. When they first meet, Buffy has the mind and body of a sixteen-year-old, while Angel has the body of at least a twenty-four-year-old and the mind of a two-hundred-year-old, which means their affair is totally illegal. (Not to mention the fact that Angel first saw Buffy when she was fifteen.) On Buffy’s end, there’s the fact that Angel is dead (and, like any good corpse, cold and pale), and her mission to kill every one of his kind. Of course, this all made for wonderful drama and epic romance, but if a teenage girl were dating a seventy-year-old in real life? The officers have some questions they’d like you to answer, Mr. Angel.
8. Dexter and Rita, Dexter She, a divorcee and survivor of domestic abuse; he, a serial killer guided by a strict code of only killing people he was taught to dislike. Maybe if they can make it work, they will both help each other grow as people. Or maybe Rita will make a spectacular lampshade; who can say? The show is good at getting us to root for these two, but when you take a step back it’s a bit uncomfortable. The baseline for a successful relationship should be just a bit higher than “did not kill significant other today.”
7. Will Schuester and Emma Pillsbury, Glee As part of the musical-cartoon fantasy world of Glee, these two characters are as cute as a sack of puppies when they’re together, whether that means cleaning the science wing after hours, doing well-choreographed dances to hip-hop from the ’90s, or convincing the kids in glee club that their futures hold more than and endless river of purple slushies thrown in their faces. The one small hitch with their relationship is, of course, Will’s wife and Emma’s fiance. Now, the former has often come off as maddeningly self-involved and crazy (she’s faking a pregnancy), leading to often-intense dislike among the show’s audience. But we still wish they would dump the chumps and have adorable, wide-eyed, musically talented babies together.
6. Benjamin Braddock and Mrs. Robinson, The Graduate The cougar before there were cougars, the MILF before MILFs, Anne Bancroft’s portrayal of the mature and sexy Mrs. Robinson is legendary. And for good reason: they may not have ended up together at the end, but the chemistry between Bancroft and Dustin Hoffman, as the aimless young man she seduces, was palpable throughout the film. Given the ambiguous ending of the film, you have to admit: there’s a part of you that wanted young Benjamin to forget the daughter and devote himself completely to the mom. Nothing like the combination of a cad and an adulteress to really get the blood flowing, right?
5. Don Draper and Anyone, Mad Men Remember that powerful, adventurous, free-spirited woman that Don Draper was giving his business to? Of course you do, because an unending parade of them struts through the entire series. Some have been less beloved by fans, but some have been vibrant and engaging people you can’t help but root for, like season one’s artistic Midge or department store heiress Rachel. Of course, every time you hope to yourself that Rachel gets what she wants (that would be Don), you’re actively hoping for a man to leave his wife and two young children. But what are you thinking when you cheer for the brief moments when it seems like Don and his wife Betty don’t hate each other? That the long-suffering Betty will forgive Don his (many, many) screw-ups? That she’ll stay with a man who lied to her about his entire identity for years and years? That they’ll settle into a life of mild unhappiness for decades? The lessons here: Don Draper should probably just stay out of relationships all together.
4. Erika and Walter, The Piano Teacher Perhaps one of the most obvious couples on the list, the lovers (dif you can use the term) in Michael Haneke’s film command our attention no matter how screwed up their relationship gets. A music professor and the seventeen-year-old student she’s obsessed with, Erika and Walter never really make things work. She’s sexually repressed and driven to destroy the life of a girl she sees as her competition; he’s disgusted by her desire to engage in S&M. They may not be as cuddly as Harold and Maude, true, but still – a part of you hopes maybe they could just work it all out, and then no one would have to stab themselves in the final reel.
3. Harold and Maude, Harold and Maude We’re all for breaking down age boundaries when it comes to dating (when it’s not illegal, that is; see above), and so the massive age difference between the romantic leads in this ’70s dramedy isn’t what really puts us off (though we imagine it does for some people). No, what makes us question this one is the way the film can put a soothing Cat Stevens score over the tale of a suicide-obsessed teen who enters into a relationship with a woman who actually ends up committing suicide and suddenly it becomes life-affirming. The film is often called “sweet” and “romantic,” and surprisingly avoids being associated with words like “co-dependency” and “suicide pact.”
2. Josh Baskin and Susan Lawrence, Big Ah, the tender tale of the boy who wanted nothing more than to grow up, not realizing how much we lose when we leave our childhood behind. Adults need jobs, adults need to do cutesy dances on giant electronic keyboards, and many adults need to find some human companionship, as Tom Hanks’ character finds out. Susan Lawrence, played by Elizabeth Perkins, finds sweet and spontaneous Josh to be the polar opposite of her awful boyfriend, and the two get together before he returns to his normal self. In the movie, it’s sweet enough that you forget about the fact that Perkins’ character is falling in love with the mind of a child in the body of Tom Hanks. (Which is also the plot of Forrest Gump, but that’s neither here nor there.) In real life? You get Mary Kay Letourneau and Vili Fualaau.
1. George Michael and Maeby, Arrested Development These two faced several obstacles on their road to love: teenage Maeby’s demanding job as a Hollywood studio executive, George Michael’s super-religious girlfriend… (Bland? Plant? Anne?) And then the inconvenient little detail that the two are cousins. But their endearingly sweet awkwardness won over audiences. Though the series toyed with us for three seasons about whether they were actually blood relatives – even her name is a joke, as she is asked by George Michael in the first episode, “Aren’t you my cousin?” to which she replied, “Maeby” – the final episode seemed to say that they weren’t. Of course, with an Arrested Development movie in the works, that could turn out to be another red herring, and the fact remains: blood or not, they’re cousins.
ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT (click on title)
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Forget Scientology or Heaven’s Gate. Today, the biggest cult in our country may very well be the teeming masses anxiously awaiting the return of Arrested Development. After years of rumors and dashed hopes, it seems the beloved TV show will finally be reincarnated, this time on the big screen.
But don’t break out your Cornballers yet: the film isn’t set to hit theaters until 2011. How will you last that long? While you can treasure your DVD collection of all three seasons, you’ll probably want to vary things up in the year-plus before we get sweet relief. Off the top of your head, you might know to watch Michael Cera in Juno, but where can you find Judy Greer in a role as crazy as Kitty Sanchez? Will Arnett as a man as bumbling and self-involved as Gob? Or Charlize Theron and Jason Bateman having more comical (and sexual) misunderstandings than they did as Rita Leeds and Michael Bluth? Nerve and IFC have joined forces to give you all the help you need — here are the Top 20 films to Give You Your Arrested Development Fix*.
* Until they actually make the movie.
Amy Poehler (Bride of Gob): Angie in BABY MAMA (2008)
Poehler’s Arrested Development character — who never had an actual name that we (or her on-screen husband) were privileged to learn — met Gob while out partying and essentially married him on a dare. Like the white-trash menace whom Tina Fey hired to carry a child for her in Poehler’s leading-lady movie debut, she was a feisty, impulsive gal who preferred to make her most life-altering decisions while drunk.
Michael Cera (George Michael Bluth): America Hoffman in STEAL THIS MOVIE (2000)
In his post-A.D. movie roles (Superbad, Juno, Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist, Year One), Cera has maintained his ownership of a certain character type: the paralytically shy, lovestruck guy with romantic angst raging beneath his soft-spoken exterior. If this is understood as the defense strategy of someone who grew up in insane circumstances, in a bizarre family beset by legal difficulties, it all might have its roots in his pre-teen appearance in this Abbie Hoffman biopic. He plays Abbie’s son, who has to contend with the pains and sorrows of having a celebrity fugitive for a father, not to mention having that name.
Tony Hale (Byron “Buster” Bluth): James Epstein in THE INFORMANT! (2009)
Surprisingly enough, no Arrested Development regular has shown greater range in other roles than Hale, and in his small role as Matt Damon’s lawyer in Steven Soderbergh’s gonzo true-crime story, he finds himself in the non-Blusterish position of being perhaps the sanest person in the room. On the other hand, he’s in the very familiar situation of having to deal with a mess made by someone who might possibly be just the teeniest bit unhinged. By the end, he’s wearing the expression that, with Buster, always signaled a strong recurring desire to retreat to the safety of his mother’s womb.
Dave Thomas (Uncle Trevor): Boris Badunov in BORIS AND NATASHA (1992)
Before playing the strange, menacing figure keeping a watchful eye on Rita Leeds in Arrested Development, Thomas had the chance to duck around corners and consort with a beautiful, mysterious woman in this live-action feature based on the villains from the classic Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoons. Although this was in some ways a masterstroke of casting, the movie itself has been seen by so few people that the CIA would have done well to rewrite the script as a hiding place for state secrets.
Charlize Theron (Rita Leeds): Mary Embrey in HANCOCK (2008)
In this twisty superhero story, Theron had to stretch to play a woman with a loving family, a deep, dark secret — and the ability to throw Will Smith through a wall. She got to warm up for the part with her story arc on Arrested Development, playing a mystery woman with an English accent, which also gave her a chance to practice being inscrutable, foreign, and badly misunderstood by Jason Bateman.
Arrested Development< Movie Fix"> Pages: 1
Arrested Development< Movie Fix"> Pages: 1 Liza Minnelli (Lucille Austero): Linda in ARTHUR (1981)
As the fun-loving, hard-partying “Lucille 2,” Minnelli merrily swanned her way through the love lives of two-thirds of the Bluth brothers, using the same kooky charms that, twenty years earlier, had enabled her to win the heart of another rich boy with issues. On A.D., Lucille eventually wearied of trying to make men out of wealthy idiot man-children and ran off with hairless real-estate magnate Stan Sitwell. If Linda had shown as much sense, a terrible and pointless sequel might have been averted.
Ed Begley, Jr. (Stan Sitwell): Himself in WHO KILLED THE ELECTRIC CAR? (2006)
On A.D., Begley played a hairless CEO and philanthropist whose toupee looked like shag carpeting that the dog had gone on, and false eyebrows that would have made him a hit at any Halloween party because, as he meekly explained, “Cruelty-free really limits your choices.” He could have been making fun of the concerned, caring celebrity mouthpiece Ed Begley, Jr., one of the many distinguished talking heads who stick up for the titular vehicle in the go-to documentary for anyone who won’t be satisfied until they know what Zsa Zsa Gabor has to say on the issue at hand.
Alia Shawkat (Mae “Maeby” Fünke): Camille in BART GOT A ROOM (2009)
In the commentary track on the Arrested Development Season One DVD, it’s reported that the kiss the entrancing young Ms. Shawkat plants on Michael Cera in the pilot episode was the first time she’d kissed a boy, not just on-camera, but, like, ever. That kiss set off a series-long chain of confusion and misunderstandings as Cera’s George Michael struggled with his attraction to a girl he felt he couldn’t be with because, depending on which episode you were watching and how closely network censors had vetted the script, they might have been blood relations. It also set the mold for roles such as the high-school girl Shawkat plays here, who, as graduation nears, longs to give herself to her best guy pal, who in turn is reluctant to take her up on it because… actually, we’re not sure what his problem is. Maybe he fell on his head or something.
Jeffrey Tambor (George Bluth, Sr.): Tom Manning in HELLBOY (2004) and HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY (2008)
Like his Arrested Development alter ego, Tambor’s character in the Hellboy movies is a harried manager and erratic father figure, who is forced to balance his responsibilities as head of the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense with awkward attempts to reach out to his star agent, a red granite behemoth whose own emotional development has been somewhat arrested. In the first film’s tenderest scene, he takes a moment during a chaotic raid on a Russian hellmouth to give Hellboy some paternal advice on the best way to light a cigar. Sadly, the sequel ends with a strong suggestion that the two of them won’t be trading cards on Father’s Day anytime soon.
Jason Bateman (Michael Bluth): Adam Leavitt in THE KINGDOM (2007)
As Michael Bluth, Bateman’s efforts to hold his family together were complicated by his father’s possible collaboration with Saddam Hussein, and culminated in his undertaking a rescue mission to Iraq. In the geopolitical action thriller The Kingdom, Bateman was able to draw upon his experience as a team player and his knowledge of Mideast trouble spots to play a wisecracking FBI agent who’s part of a team investigating a terrorist murder in Saudi Arabia. In the climax, he’s abducted and threatened with beheading, a situation that turns out much better for him than if he’d depended on Bluth Company for his rescue.
